I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
