1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
it's like heaven, but drunker
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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