Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
