Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
apparently the secret to your success is patron
honey bunches of taint.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
