You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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