so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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