Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
