as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
