If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
