I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
