do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
