Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Who did Billy Mays play for?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
