I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
