I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
