I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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