My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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