hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
