I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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