What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
