sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
