U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
