to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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