Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Only a mothe r could love this liver
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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