i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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