New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
