She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize