Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
