if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Ketchup is God's man juice
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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