it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
