I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
