FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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