The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
