Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
