At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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