i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
