yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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