I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize