She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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