Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
