I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
