i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just googled if crying burns calories
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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