I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize