ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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