you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
