i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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