i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Hippo gnu deer
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize