Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
