So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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