I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You're like the curious george of whores
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
