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He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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