he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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