i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
