Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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