i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
