shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I love you. Go after that dick
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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