Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
