I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
