The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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