you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
