my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
