He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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