She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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