OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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