Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Randomize
