i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
