You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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