dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
