my vag is so smooth its legendary
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
