I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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