You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize