I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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