How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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