So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I want a musical about memes.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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