Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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