If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
