I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
