So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
