I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You need Xanax blowdarts
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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