sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
