i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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