so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
