she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I think i got beer on your cat.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
