her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
