Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
