and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
