Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
