So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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