I'm gonna have a badass scar
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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