That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
