I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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