i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Come on in and take your pants off
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