can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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