Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
