Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
