last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I came so hard my ears popped.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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