i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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