Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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