I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
