you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
