Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we're making bets on your personal life
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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