i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
