why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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