loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
