yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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