So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
